Well here I am, flexing my writing fingers for the first time since finishing my MA back in the summer of 2013. Why? Well I like writing, I miss it. I miss the idea that you can use words as a means with which to remember, to note down important moments or feelings whether that be in a cathartic sense or purely because you don’t wish to forget. The power of words as a means of recording, of noting patterns, of remembering good times and bad and, ultimately, charting one’s progress in the ebbs and flows of life lures me to write once more. But, I don’t wish to be clever or thought provoking, this is not an exercise to empower some great discovery or a means in which to attempt to inspire some great purpose in others. My plan for this blog is simple. My wish is merely to record a journey, the  journey of Bernie and me.

‘Hang on, who’s Bernie?’

Bernie, in short, is the name I have given to my bowel or large intestine. Before February of this year my bowel was like any other. He cracked on with the shit in my life quietly and without too much fuss but I took him and his work for granted. I suppose to an extent I abused him. We all do. We absolutely refuse to acknowledge the fact that this organ deals with the crap, the waste, the shit. That is, until you’re forced to acknowledge otherwise.

You see, in February I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, a form of Inflammatory Bowel Disease. This diagnosis has altered my life and my perceptions and, while 6 months has passed, I find myself in no better position to understand what this disease means for my future or what journeys I will have to embark on in order to regain some of the health and vitality on which I once thrived and which currently seems a distant memory.

That all sounds a bit morbid. To an extent it is, it’s shit. It’s shit and it’s terrifying but that isn’t the whole story. People learn to cope with this disease one way or another and live their lives to the full extent that their bodies will allow paving their own paths in this world of medication, therapy and potential surgery. They are remarkable and inspirational folk.

That is where this blog comes in. I do not wish to be bound or defined by my illness. I intend whole heartedly to fight towards remission and some level of health that I can both understand and can enjoy. Beyond this, I want to rediscover my identity, who I am outside of my condition. To learn once more what makes me tick, what my body can endure and what makes this life fun and exciting. I am about to embark on my own journey of discovery, to build my own path in the hive of uncertainty that awaits. But I do so in the full knowledge that Bernie will be here beside me every step of the way.